So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize