Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
