So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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