I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
