NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
should my penis look like a turkey
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
