dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
