we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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