I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
