Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
