Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
