it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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