Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
