my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
