Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
