i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she woke up with a sticky ear
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize