So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
