Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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