The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
