I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
