She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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