I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
