She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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