he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
