He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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