We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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