he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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