Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
