i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you didnt know i had herpes?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
