I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Randomize
