Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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