Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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