Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
