you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
