someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
