Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
