so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
