I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
