And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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