and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
