You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Randomize
