Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
