ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
