Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
