Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
