I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
