Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love you.
Bad choice
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