apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
