There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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