i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
