3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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