I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
