you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
