My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
