I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They took my balls.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
