The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
