I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh god the rape fog is back!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
