imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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