Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
