He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
