So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
