I will die if light touches me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
