guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
