Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
