Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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