Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
