i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
