Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
