GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
