i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
