ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
