I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's shark week go big or go home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
