Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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