maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
