You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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