Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
