the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize